Eugene the Vampire Slayer here, digging into the mailbag while my garlic mud mask dries. I get lots of compliments on the garlic exuding from my pores, but that’s like a leaky radiator, this should plug those holes.
Meanwhile Gus from Detroit, Michigan has quite a quandary.
From:
Sent: Mon April 22, 9:12 p.m.
To: Eugene TVS [EugeneTVS1@gmail.com]
Subject: Vampire nests
Mr. Slayer,
You have quite the reputation, I really think I have a job / problem right up your alley. As you know, the outskirts of Detroit are over-run with the un dead. Vampires seem to be everywhere. They are unchecked and killing with reckless abandon. With all the foreclosures & abandoned homes, they have free reign. I have lost countless friends & several family members. Can you help? I need a Slayer out here immediately. Please help.
Your faithful servant,
Gus
Gus,
I feel your pain. With all the foreclosures & abandoned homes our country is a mess. It takes a monstrous effort from all of us to make it better. Good thing is that with the interest rates so low & Fannie Mae willing to work with you, buying & flipping those homes is a great option. I happen to co-own a consulting firm that can help walk you through the process. 1.800.overran. Or slayerinvestments.com. It really is easy, & super practical. With the market the way it is, this country is ripe for these kind of solutions. It’s up to us to get the country back on its financial feet.
Good luck,
Eugene > The Vampire Slayer <
Don’t fall prey, email me on your predator problems, I’ve got the right stake for the job.
HARRIS GRAY 
That was a good one! Now I Need stock tips.