Eugene Vampire HunterFrom:
Sent: Mon July 8, 11:46 a.m.
To: Eugene TVS [EugeneTVS1@gmail.com]
Subject: Eating Meat(eaters)

Dearest Eugene,

I want to do an apprenticeship with you. I think the work you do killing meat eaters is amazing. Recently, I have been let go from PETA and I must disassociate myself with that compliant, apathetic, simple & submissive tree hugging association. I believe all meat eaters should die!! This includes vampires. They are no better than the meat eaters on this planet. Essentially they eat meat, blood, whatever, I am in. The only redeeming value they have is that sometimes they prey upon meat eating people of this despicable world we live on. I would love to work under your tutelage. My only question is, are you a vegan? This is very important to me. I could not work with someone who eats animals. I love them so much. I do practice Pescetarianism. I love me some fresh Atlantic Salmon over a bed of greens. Can’t wait to work with you and do some killing.

Eternally Yours,

Edna Campbell


What kind of wacko are you??? I can’t believe this e mail, totally disgusting. Atlantic Salmon is an abomination. Do you realize that those salmon are “farm raised?” Fed & over-fed until they almost burst. They taste horrible. Flat, soggy and tasteless. They add chemically enhanced color to the salmon just to make them look edible. Their nutrition is less than nutritious, having less than 1/3 of the health benefits of a Pacific Northwest or Alaskan Salmon. Alaskan Salmon has 120% of your daily Omega-3’s, that alone should keep you away from Atlantic Salmon. I would rather eat a juicy pen fed young veal, than eat any farmed fish. Meat of any kind is good, & good for you. I could never work with or be around such a buffoon. I would rather hunt you, ala The Hunger Games or Logan’s Run. Only for sport, don’t worry, I would not eat you.

Yours truly,

Eugene V.S.

p.s. Don’t get me started on Tilapia, the poop fish

Problems with vamps are often signs of deeper emotional troubles. Or, they simply need slaying. Let Eugene be the judge, email me.