Author Archives: harrisgray

Going Clubbing

23 Monday Sep 2013

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Vampire Vic, Book Clubs

Victor would give up donuts for these cookies.

A week ago today Harris Gray jetted to Minneapolis and marched bravely into a book club. And they seemed to like us, we didn’t even need the flask and the frequent bathroom breaks. We talked about the first book in our VV trilogy, Vampire Vic, and tried to make murky the origins of our peculiar collaboration, all the while demonstrating why we are only comfortable writing about fat, bald, aging accountant vampires. We also ate the sweetest cookies we’ve ever seen, and in general had a blast.

Ranked right after “How does such an odd couple like you two write together?”, was the next best question: “What else do you have coming out?” This gave us the opportunity to each preemptively finger the other as the source of the unusual sex in the upcoming Java Man.

Amidst all the fraternizing and spirited discussions, and maybe a glass of wine or three, we forgot to take a picture. Except of those wonderful cookies. Marketing guru Jonathan Gunson recently highlighted another author’s ingenious connection to his readers: Hugh Howey raffled his sci-fi trilogy in an irresistible, book-themed thumb-drive. For VV, we would use those cookies…if only cookies could be encoded with baked-in, edible information, and kept fresh for more than five days.

So here’s to the master Minneapolis cookie maker, Mary. And huge thanks to our buddy Nancy for organizing and hosting the book club, and the fifteen or so ladies who made us feel so welcome. To the rest of you – we would love to sit in your living room, drink your wine, and talk books with your buds. (Oprah, are you still running a club? Put Harris Gray on your standby list, we have a very flexible schedule. And for you, only for you, one of us is going to jump up on your couch and finally take responsibility for Java Man’s dirty pages.)

Help for the Colorado Flood Victims

21 Saturday Sep 2013

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(U.S Army photo via epa)

(U.S Army photo via epa)

The Colorado floods didn’t impact us much down here in Castle Rock. North of Denver, thousands of people were not so fortunate. We want to help. According to the public-private partnership organization HelpColoradoNow.com, “Financial support to voluntary agencies responding to disasters is the most effective way to help.” And so we are donating our proceeds from Vampire Vic sales in September to the Foothills Flood Relief Fund, a United Way organization that uses 100% of donations in support of flood relief and recovery efforts. Here’s the link to Vampire Vic on Amazon: http://amzn.com/B00BP18M5I.

Whether it’s through us, or directly via the Foothills Fund or any of the other wonderful organizations lending a hand, your contributions are needed and greatly appreciated.

What are the odds?

22 Thursday Aug 2013

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Vampire Vic, Blog tourAllan: We’re announcing the winner of the Kindle Fire HD tablet in the Vampire Vic blog tour giveaway: it’s RJ Lozelle!

Jason: Big congrats to RJ.

Allan: If RJ had known the odds against her, would she have even bothered? She’s the chosen one out of 6,502 entrants – what are the odds of that happening?

Jason: One in six-thousand five hundred and two.

Allan: Really hits home when you spell it out like that. This story becomes even more compelling when you realize the drawing was completely random. There was absolutely nothing RJ could do to influence the outcome.

Jason: She could love Vampire Vic, send Harris Gray a bribe (non-refundable), and burn two V’s into her neighbor’s lawn at midnight, and be no closer to winning.

Allan: We only recommend one of those things, of course.

Jason: RJ could hold a yoga pose for thirty seconds, teach her Cavalier King Charles Spaniel to love squirrels, convince the cable company to bill her à la carte, turn water to wine, and at the end of the day, she would still just be a number in our contest.

Allan: Imagine being one of 6,502 people. For most of us this is nearly impossible to grasp.

Jason: Unless you’ve been to a sporting event, or live in a relatively large development, or ran in a charity 5K, or tried to score a Black Friday deal at Target, or—

Allan: Dwell on it too long and the earth can start to feel too big, the universe too tiny—

Jason: And the USDA’s serving sizes just right.

Allan: You know, maybe it’s not appropriate for us to assume RJ is female.

Jason: And gorgeous.

Allan: Unfortunately we forgot to request basic demographic information and pictures of all our entrants.

Jason: So we’re envisioning a raven-haired goddess.

Allan: Like Florence in the upcoming VV sequel, after her Xtreme Re-Vamp Makeover. The way Victor always has and always will picture Florence, that’s how we will see RJ.

Jason: Everyone can feel free to create their own mental image.

Allan: We’re also here to give thanks to everyone who followed our blog tour.

Jason: And condolences to the six thousand five hundred and one of you who didn’t win the Kindle.

Allan: Feel bad for them. Maybe we make the next contest merit-based, when we release Java Man in September.

Jason: But then RJ wins for sure. How about prizes for the best and worst reviews on Amazon? Like Omaha Hi-Lo poker.

Allan: Gosh I like that.

Slayer entry 23-4419.5 – pirate post to HarrisGray.com

10 Wednesday Jul 2013

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Eugene Vampire HunterFrom:
Sent: Mon July 8, 11:46 a.m.
To: Eugene TVS [EugeneTVS1@gmail.com]
Subject: Eating Meat(eaters)

Dearest Eugene,

I want to do an apprenticeship with you. I think the work you do killing meat eaters is amazing. Recently, I have been let go from PETA and I must disassociate myself with that compliant, apathetic, simple & submissive tree hugging association. I believe all meat eaters should die!! This includes vampires. They are no better than the meat eaters on this planet. Essentially they eat meat, blood, whatever, I am in. The only redeeming value they have is that sometimes they prey upon meat eating people of this despicable world we live on. I would love to work under your tutelage. My only question is, are you a vegan? This is very important to me. I could not work with someone who eats animals. I love them so much. I do practice Pescetarianism. I love me some fresh Atlantic Salmon over a bed of greens. Can’t wait to work with you and do some killing.

Eternally Yours,

Edna Campbell

Edna,

What kind of wacko are you??? I can’t believe this e mail, totally disgusting. Atlantic Salmon is an abomination. Do you realize that those salmon are “farm raised?” Fed & over-fed until they almost burst. They taste horrible. Flat, soggy and tasteless. They add chemically enhanced color to the salmon just to make them look edible. Their nutrition is less than nutritious, having less than 1/3 of the health benefits of a Pacific Northwest or Alaskan Salmon. Alaskan Salmon has 120% of your daily Omega-3’s, that alone should keep you away from Atlantic Salmon. I would rather eat a juicy pen fed young veal, than eat any farmed fish. Meat of any kind is good, & good for you. I could never work with or be around such a buffoon. I would rather hunt you, ala The Hunger Games or Logan’s Run. Only for sport, don’t worry, I would not eat you.

Yours truly,

Eugene V.S.

p.s. Don’t get me started on Tilapia, the poop fish

Problems with vamps are often signs of deeper emotional troubles. Or, they simply need slaying. Let Eugene be the judge, email me.

Visualizing Vampire Vic

26 Wednesday Jun 2013

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The brand-new Vampire Vic trailer is hitting the screen! The small screen, your laptop or smart phone – you will not see this sweet little teaser at your local cineplex, so you need to click on the video below. I know we promised Matthew McConaughey for the trailer role of Victor Thetherson; if he could have kept his shirt on for just 5 minutes….

So we went with a different guy, someone who gets Vic. We’re keeping our fingers crossed for this guy, Pete (pretty sure that’s his name), this could be his big break. Watch Pete[?] starring as Vic, trying in vain to command respect from his accounting staff, with their mocking, slacking disregard mirrored in Pete-as-Vic’s face. Drink in Pete’s range, seeing in his posture Vic’s reluctance to go home to face his ex-wife – so expressive is Pete’s acting turn, there might as well be a thought-bubble over his head, “I really do not want to go home to face my ex-wife.”

And then thrill to see Vic (by now you’ve even forgotten there is an actor possibly named Pete portraying him), finally sinking his fangs into soft, yielding flesh. You’ll want to hold onto that excitement and happiness for Vic as long as you can…because thanks to a certain thespian we’re calling Pete, it quickly becomes all too obvious that Vic’s newfound bloodlust will pitch him headlong into a maelstrom of inhuman suffering that will make his previous problems pale in comparison. (We agree Pete’s acting is a little melodramatic. But it beats having you staring at McConaughey’s chest the whole time.)

So for Pete’s sake, click play below, and enjoy our Vampire Vic trailer.